**Disclaimer: This post is NOT to condemn but to HELP. I am all
about informing and encouraging other single ladies to trust in God. I CAN
relate that the journey of sexual purity is NOT easy but worth it. I am not
perfect. I am sure I will have to go back and re-read my below blog post to
stay on track and keep myself encouraged.
 |
| Top (Banana Republic) Earrings (Kate Spade) Lipstick (MAC-Ruby Woo) |
For the years I have been abstinent I have been so thankful
God has kept me. Thankful that as each yearly anniversary of my abstinence
journey rolled around.. I made it! I held out. But why? I would always tell
people: "I'm holding out for my future husband" or "I'm not
having sex again until my wedding night." But what did my holding out
consist of? What was my version of not having sex? To be totally honest during
the beginning of my journey I did not honor my true husband (God) all the way.
(Side note: As a single christian woman you are already married to God). I had
a major issue with ALMOST going all the way with guys I talked to or dated. I
thought this was okay as long as I didn't have actual sexual intercourse. I
always made sure to tell them up front I was abstinent until marriage. But, of
course, in their mind I immediately became a challenge. They would test me to
see how far I would go. Time and time again this happened until I became immune
and went with the flow. All while still claiming a lifestyle of abstinence. As
long as I was not having sexual intercourse, the enemy tricked me into thinking
engaging in foreplay was harmless. But boy after it was over I felt guilty,
dirty, and ashamed. I would have guys spend the night or come over late hours
of the night at my apartment (all while serving/going to church....yes I was
that girl. The enemy comes HARD after you when you are trying to live right and
serve God). This was very misleading because my actions did not line up with my
words (James 1:8). I was ruining my witness. I became desensitized to the fact
that even engaging in sensual touching, kissing, rubbing, etc. created a soul
tie. I convinced myself that as long as I was not having sex it was okay to do.
I knew better! The longing to be held and loved consumed me. I ignored the fact
that God already loved me and wanted to spend intimate time with me. Kissing,
rubbing, and sensual touching is considered foreplay and prepares your body for
sexual intercourse, whether you are married or NOT. I was still cheating on
God. Until one day I said to myself enough is enough. I was tired of being on
the merry go round of sexual sin. Either I'm going to live this abstinent lifestyle
out to the FULLEST or not at all. I had to reprogram my way of thinking to line
up with God's word; not just get into enough sin/pleasure without "going
all the way" (I Peter 1:16).
To be honest its really not about years of holding out and
counting numbers, but about living a holy lifestyle intentionally to please
God. He is jealous for you (Exodus 34:14). We have to stop cheating on God with
men we are not married to. (Song of Solomon 8:4). On your wedding night you
will be glad you did. No regrets, no guilt, no shame. Why? Because you
and your spouse will be in holy matrimony celebrating within the marriage bed.
Better yet, forget the wedding night! Peace of mind is priceless knowing
whether you get married or not, you have self control and want to honor God. Get your mind off of yourself by spending time with friends and family.
Start a business, get a hobby, go back to school, or help a single mother in
need. Stop scrolling through social media coveting other peoples' relationships.
You would be very surprised at what they have gone through. How do you even
know if God ordained their relationship? How do you know if they settled and
the relationship is toxic and just plain trash? Ladies we must learn to spend
those lonely nights, weekends, and holidays with God, the lover of our soul.
The loneliness hits HARD at times but you can't stay stuck there! Whether
you messed up last night or 5 minutes ago in thought or action, know that God
still loves you. He wants what is best for you and will not send you someone
who will compromise your purity (Matthew 7:11). God longs for you. He is
waiting. All you have to do is surrender your sex life to Him and He will keep
you. But only if you want to be kept. Ask Him to fill the voids and heal what
needs to be healed in your heart. Sever the ungodly soul ties on your life
through fasting and prayer so you can be FREE. Guard your heart and set
boundaries so you won't fall into the enemy's traps (Proverbs 4:23). God won't
take the desire of sex away from you, but He will give you the strength to have
self control and a way of escape from temptation (I Corinthians 10:13). God
always does His part. Its up to us to do ours.
